James

So, it’s April - the same month as my birthday.  How cool is that.  I’m stoked - really.  I’ll be 21!  Yeah I’m looking forward to it.  I just bought tickets to go see my friend Sarra Marie in Seattle the week after….so the 27th to 30th.  It’s gonna be one long weekend of basically drinking but oh well that’s fine.  I’m really looking forward to seeing her again.

Uhm, lost my train of thought…shoot.

So anyways just been doing the normal stuff lately.  School, work, friends.  No, not ‘doing’ friends…but…you get the picture.  Talked to Tiffany again recently.  Gotta say I’m proud of the girl, it seems she’s finally getting herself on the right track again.  Hopefully she can keep it going and do good for herself.  We’re never gonna be together more than likely, but oh well, it’s okay.  I still love the girl.

Hung out with Brandy during Spring Break.  It’s really weird that we ran into eachother last month.  I mean, we both know that honestly it shouldn’t have happened in all probability.  The day we saw eachother - I don’t usually go that way, she doesn’t usually go the way she went, at the time we did….it was kinda eerie.  Maybe fate, or the universe, or whatever you believe in, was giving us a second shot.  Well anywho, so we spent all Monday together and a good portion of Tuesday, but then shit hit the fan for her.  I’m not going to go into it out of respect for her but hopefully it all gets settled soon.  I’d really like a shot at dating her; I really would.  She’s got some troubles but then again, what girl that gets close to me doesn’t it seems.  I think I invite that in my life - or like attract those kinds of girls into my life - make sense?  Some say that’s just because I am stable and girls need me around to provide that.  But then again maybe not, I don’t know.

Anyways when it comes to her I just hope I can help her out.  We’ve got a bit of history together and well, she’s really special to me.  I don’t know how I can tell her that, but she is.  We were hanging out at my place over break, and we just made pizza and watched a movie, and all the while, I’m serious - I just wanted to get up, go over, and kiss her.  That was it.  It was the mundane stuff - it didn’t even have anything to do with sex!  We were playing with her dog for Christ’s sake!  Well, either way hopefully she will come around to me, I really like her.  But then again I am afraid that since I’m leaving in two years regardless it’s kind of a moot point.  Or is it pointless for any girl right now?

Oh!  Officer Candidate School is moving from Pensacola, FL to Newport, RI!  Supply School is moving there from Athens, GA.  So no longer am I going to FL after I graduate, I’m going to RI!!!!!  Yeah, I’m actually kind of excited.  I’d rather go there than the south.  Okay, actually, I’d rather go ANYWHERE than the damn dirty south.  Although, if I get flight training I will still have to go to Pensacola or Corpus Christi, TX.

I’m also looking forward to the Northeast because of the girls.  I’d like a chance at something new.  These girls around here - I don’t know, they’re all the same.  And they’re not my type.  They all like their cowboys and their country and outdoorsy and yadda yadda yadda.  Well, that’s what it seems to be anyways.  I think I’d get along best with a girl who can take care of herself, lives in the city, or just outside, and is middle-to-high middle class or lower high class.  Make sense?  White collar!  That’s what I am!  And I think that’s what I’m looking for.  Actually, it’s awesome cuz I’ve already met a few really sweet girls from out that direction.  So, things will be okay.  I’m alright right now.

And on that note, I’ll call this blog.  Peace everyone.  Will update soon.

Okay, so actually this is the title of a show put on by 5 (?) Irish/Scottish singers.  Take a wild guess, yes, they’re all women.  And oh my freaking god they are all absolutely gorgeous.  And on top of that they’re all awesome singers.  I’m enamored.  Wow.  Scotch/Irish women are officially my favorite in the world, so absolutely gorgeous.  Holy cow.

WOOOOW!

I think I gotta get back to that area of the world….

Am I ever paying for last night right now…went to a party for St. Patrick’s Day.  I had jello shots for the first time…and the last.  I made the dumb mistake of mixing beer and vodka.  Oh god, just thinking about it is making me nauseous.  Well, I learned an important lesson here.  I think from now on I’ll just stick with the beer…

Yeah, it’s not my head that’s hurting really, it’s my stomach…I’ve thrown up twice and gone into dry-heaves the 2nd time, I have a feeling I’ll be doing it again here pretty soon.  Oh well, it was a lot of fun - one hellacious night.

Heh, there was also something that was kinda fun last night…but I’m not going to say it in public cuz we kinda agreed to keep it between us.  But it was nice…

Okay, I’ve already said too much.  But now that I’ve had a - well - pretty good experience with drinking I feel more comfortable with it, so maybe I’ll feel more okay with partying every once in a while.  Easier to pick up chicks.  But I still gotta be careful for the next month, then all bets are off cuz I’ll be 21 - woot.  That’s besides the point - but like, I relax when I’m drunk, and don’t think too much.  My inhibitions are kinda gone and the voice in my head shuts up for a little bit, so I actually…well…just go for what I want!  Meaning girls.  Make me an asshole does it?  That’s fine.  I’m over it.  Okay, my headache is back and I need to go get rid of whatever it is that’s making my stomach churn.  Talk to y’all later.

I can’t wait to go to the Navy. Civilians all think they’re something extraordinary and special. God, what a narcissistic world we live in. Get over yourself! I’m nothing special - I have my own problems too. But you know what, I don’t feel resentful to others because they may have it better, and I don’t feel sorry for them if they have it worse. I’m not gonna make their problems mine anymore either.
Civilian life sucks.

Just don’t fuck with me. I’m not afraid to bring the gloves off.

You know what, from now on I’m looking out for only a few select people. Those people know who they are. Anyways, this group can be expanded upon, but you’ll have to work your ass off to get in. Cuz I trust nobody.

And you feel the need to lecture me about how I think I’m better than everyone cuz I have an idea of what the “right” and “wrong” path are? TAKE THAT LECTURE AND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, YOU CAN TASTE IT!

You know, I thought I knew someone, and counted them as a friend. But NO! What a neurotic, psychotic bitch she turned out to be! Everything was ALWAYS my fault, and whenever I tried to fix it she always blamed me for making her feel like shit. Guess what, you don’t want me to fix something, don’t fucking complain to me! THAT’S WHAT I FUCKING DO! I FIND A WAY TO FIX SAID PROBLEM! Goddamnit people piss me off. Well, since she decided to always send me on guilt trips, I guess we’ll just end it here. Fine, bridge burned. Fuck off and good luck with your asshole fiance and your own little shut-in existance. You want to know why you don’t have any friends - it’s because of that! You have no existance, and then you blame everyone else for it! Screw you!

End of story people, I am on edge - and anybody is liable to set me off.  This person decided to play with matches near something flammable (in other words, started shit with me over something that wasn’t meant to be fighting) and they got burned.  I told you I was a ticking time bomb.

For the last time world.

DONT

FUCK

WITH

ME

OAR: 49
PFAR: 6
FOFAR: 6
AQR: 7

OAR=Officer Aptitude
PFAR=Pilot Flight Aptitude
FOFAR=Flight Officer Flight Aptitude
AQR=Academic Qualifications Rating

So, to break that down, my PFAR/FOFAR/AQR are pretty darn good scores. I’m just one point below where I’d like to be, easily done with a little more studying.

The OAR is low. I need to be somewhere about a 56. I want it in the 60s. I need to study the Mechanical section more and keep myself current on the verbal and math. I can get it, just need to study some more.

Next test is on April 10. I can get this aviation job. Just a little frustrated, just like when I took the SAT’s, ya know?

Why do people feel the need to push me and push me and test me and test me?  Well, enough.  I’m tired of it.  For the last time world, DON’T FUCK WITH ME!

Long story short, this stupid gossipy, fat, whorish chick has gone beyond the limit and not only fucked up my friendship with her but also possibly a friendship i had with someone else, and any chance I may have had to be with someone that I really like and kinda care about - all because she couldn’t handle being called out.  Yeah, I finally had to get in her face because she constantly talked about sex and getting laid and whoring herself out.  You know, on her own time in private, that’s fine - I don’t give a flying fuck what she does.  But when she’s around me in public, you know what, I find that offensive and I don’t want to hear about it!  Especially not her asking the girl I like if she’s slept with certain people!

COMMON GOD-DAMN COURTESY PEOPLE!

So, this is my declaration to the world:  DON’T FUCK WITH ME!  I WILL NOT TOLERATE YOUR STUPIDITY AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO TAKE THE GLOVES OFF ANYMORE!  I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I WANT!

—–

in other news, Navy tests today.  wish me luck.  guess that sorta goes above, i’m going to fight tooth and nail for what i want. no backing down from me now.

Seriously, they do, what the hell?  I mean, I get a headache when I even try to figure out what’s going on…

Why is it that girls seemingly freak out when I ask them to hang out sometime?  I mean, seriously, I just want to get to know someone in a setting outside class and have some fun, relax, and just hang out as friends - no pressure, right?  RIGHT?!

Well, apparently not, cuz now apparently in girl-world ‘hanging out’ means I’m totally head over heels for her and want to date her.  Since when ladies?!  Huh?  When did I miss this memo?!

I officially hate you all, you’re so goddamn confusing.  You know what, forget it, I don’t WANT a girlfriend.  I’m done sticking my neck out there - you want to show any interest, YOU make the first move!  Screw societal norms, I’m done with it.  DONE!  Hear me?!

Yeah, you can make a sexual joke out of it.  That’s fine.

Not much to say here, but I’ve been neglecting this blog.  Actually, I haven’t been able to get to the site until tonight.  Anywho…

I have my ASTB (Aviation Selection Test Battery) for the Navy on Tuesday.  Wish me luck.  Only a few steps more and I’ll be on my way to hopefully being in the Navy.  At this rate I can have my application on its way to the board by this summer perhaps!

Speaking of summer, I’m going on a cruise to Alaska!  How exciting is that?!

Had to rip Tiffany a new one this morning.  She freakin’ woke me up at 8am to talk to me.  I mean, seriously, it’s getting old.  Why won’t she let me move on?  I just told her to go take her problems to her boyfriend - that IS why she keeps talkign about him and has him in the first place - right?!  I don’t want to be completely harsh, but for God’s sake, stop buggin me girl!  I’m trying to move on!

Odd thing here.  I’m not used to this - girls are actually paying attention to me all of a sudden.  Shit, I just jinxed it huh?  Well, last week I just got fed up with girls.  I basically got to the point where I despised them, and didn’t ever want another relationship again.  I was focused on school, work, and my career in the Navy.  Actually, watching the move “Jarhead” scared me shitless about relationships.  But after talking with my mom today and rationalizing it out I’m not.  Okay, long ramble short I met a few girls in my COMM 101 class.  Brittney is a really sweet cute girl, and we talked and exchanged phone numbers and well, she blew me off tonight - so that’s that I guess.  We’ll see, she probably has an excuse.  She WAS sick yesterday, so who knows.  But she DID say she’d call me today, and she didn’t respond to my texts.  Whatever.  I don’t care.

Okay, the intriguing story is Whitney.  Another girl from COMM101.  A cool girl, we talked a few times in class and I asked her out to hang out once, no big deal right?  I just wanted to get to know her and be friends - if something were to develop, cool - if not, no big deal right?  Well, I got a text message from her talking about how she’s been doing a lot of thinking and just for right now she needs (okay, it cut off there, but I think she said some time).  I called her right afterwards to ask her what’s up, and she was like, “I want something to come of this, and I don’t want you to think I don’t like you - like that, and I don’t want you to think I’m blowing you off!”  I mean, it was just a little crazy, cuz she was freaking out!  I didn’t even have a second thought about us as anything but friends.  But hey, I’m not going to complain, she’s a great girl.  So maybe we’ll see what happens.  She texted me tonight at least, we didn’t hang out - but she’s also been sick - so we’ll see.

For now I’m just taking everything one day at a time.  I don’t care about if I don’t get into a relationship.  Seriously.  I don’t care - I’m fine on my own and I’ve got enough to take up my time.  Like studying….and sleep, which it’s time for.

Peace.

happy singles awareness day!

i’m going running now…

I have two things to talk about.

First off, tonight’s accounting homework was the most insane thing I have ever done.  It was probably one of the most difficult, tedious, and time-consuming things ever.  Oh man, I’m gonna kill someone.  Well, at least I devised a way to make things go faster next time.  Yeah, spent a good two hours doing a template, hah!  So next time I have accounting homework, it’s just gonna be a simple little plug in the numbers and off I go - none of this crap of writing it out, then erasing when something doesn’t fit…screw that bitches!  Just a simple, delete/drag and drop and presto!  Balance sheet!

Second of all, my meeting with my recruiter.  It was AWESOME.  I walked in, shook his hand, and he said “you definitely don’t look like you weight 170, you look much less!”  Oh, let me tell you, my ego just SHOT through the roof.  AWESOME!  So we talked through a few things and where we would go from here and how the process goes.  He showed me what a “competitive” profile was, and I fit all of it.  He gave me some tips on how to do well on the test, so gotta go study (it’s an officer aptitude test) and we brainstormed some ideas to make my profile more competitive.  And then we just talked Navy for a bit.  He used to be a mechanic and I’m a pilot - so we talked aviation and military and it was awesome.  Just - awesome.  He said to me that “I am well on my way, and he doesn’t see anything that would keep me or hold me back from the program.”  So he “expects me to get in, and soon”.  Now, of course who knows what will happen, but that’s what he expects, and he’s been doing this a while.  So I’m STOOOOKKKKEEEEEDDDD!!!!!

So yep, gonna go to bed now.  Happy V-day everyone, well, almost.  Or single’s awareness day.  I should have asked Rachel out today.  *bangs head against desk*  She said something about how she “didn’t need to be reminded how it was V-day, she’s been bombarded with it and she’s single”.  Zanna heard it too.  Welllllllllll, ummmmm, we both basically agreed that she needs to ummmmm, STOP COMPLAINING OR OOOOOH, LOOK TO YOUR LEFT, BECAUSE THERE’S A GUY WHO HAS A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU AND YOU WON’T EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO HIM!!!!  njdfafkjnasfkjnas!!!!  Zanna had to laugh at me though, I had this defeated/pissed off/frustrated/yearning look.  She had her head on her desk (she wasn’t feeling too well/tired today) and I looked over and god, I just wanted to hold and cuddle her.  So bad.  Sigh.

*bangs head on desk more*

Okay, got a headache, going to bed.

Zanna, can you tell her girl to girl that I like her?  I have a feeling she might think we’re together or something…..